She was stuck in the past—but learned to let go and feel better

Life coaching is magical

I was lucky enough to coach Sharon through a difficult time in her life.

She was pouring over her mother’s diaries, reading them again and again, and crying almost daily.

For 12 years, she was stuck in the stories of the past.

Read her story to see how she was able to finally let go

Let the interview commence:

Tell me about your mother’s diaries.

While my mother was still alive, but very ill with Hospice attending to her, I read parts of them. They made me feel closer to her while she was in the dying process. I just sort of read them randomly.

After she died, I brought the 20+ years of diaries home to read. I had them in a box in an unused bedroom for a few years. Occasionally, I would run across them as I was cleaning or looking for something else.

In the beginning, I looked up dates that were important to me, to see if they were dates that were also important to her. Sometimes this was painful, because of the things that were written.

For example, on my wedding day (which she and my father did not attend), she talked about all of the activities that she and my father had done that day. It seemed to me that one of the most important days of my life didn’t matter.

Later, I looked at that page differently (for she had later written in a different color ink across the entire page “Sharon’s wedding day”).

She was not free to write whatever she wanted in her own diaries. There were pages that my father had crossed the information out with a big "X" and then written below her writing.

When he did this, he wrote it as if he were my mother saying things like, "Joe and I..." and then continue to tell the story from his perspective, written in the third person.

I began to see a pattern in her diaries. If there was something that she thought my father would disapprove of, she would come back later and fill in the thing she wanted to say. It was almost always in a different color ink, also covering a part of the previous writing. In this way I was able to see that she did remember days that were important to me. I began to feel how much she had loved me, and how intimidated she was by my father.

After coming to the above realization, I started to read the books from the beginning. At first, I could read only a few pages at a time. It was so painful. Finally, I read all 20 years of them and placed them back in the box in the closet.

I was absolutely sure that I’d never be able to get rid of them.

They were after all, my mother.

(editor’s note...ok, it’s Christine’s note)

The diaries were not her mother. Objects are never a person. Objects are neutral.

It’s the THOUGHTS we have ABOUT the neutral objects that create meaning and feelings about the objects. Please remember, the diaries were not Sharon’s mother.

Next question:

How was your journey to letting them go... how long did it take you to be ready to get rid of her diaries?

A few more years passed, and I was caring for my ailing father. It was difficult, because he and I had not had the best relationship over the years.

My mother used to be the one who kept the peace in our family. So, I turned to my mother again. I hauled out the BOX with the diaries that were my mother.

Christine again:
Remember, the diaries were not her mother.

I read them several times over a period of months.

Each time I read them, I would vow to myself that this time I would get rid of them, but I always put them back in the box.

By now, the BOX (not the diaries) felt like it carried the essence of my mother.

I would sometimes open the box and put my hand on one of the closed diaries and sob, because I missed her so much.

I started coaching with you around this time.

Then, after coaching with you a little while, I realized that this behavior was not healthy for me, and certainly not what she would have wanted for me.

I had the diaries for 12 years before I was finally able to let them go.

And how did you let them go... what did you do with the diaries?

I read them one more time. As I read a page, I tore it out of the book.

One page at a time, one book at a time.

As one book was totally dismantled with only an empty cover and many loose pages, I lit a fire in the fireplace and released each book, page by page to the fire and out into the universe.

I could not throw them away—these books which I had for so long considered my mother, so I needed to find a way to release her from that box, release her from her oppression and set her free. I feel that I did that.

Sharon set HERSELF free.

How has your life changed since you released that box of diaries?

For years I have hoarded books—books on all subjects, books that I had already read, books that were on my mother’s bookshelves when she died—books, books and more books! I had my complete set of Nancy Drew mysteries from my childhood that I couldn’t get rid of.

My mother gave me these books and they were a happy part of my childhood. They represented the love of my mother.

Christine, again:
Just notice all the emotional charge and power Sharon was giving to these books her mother gave her.

They were mine, proof that I had been loved. They were much more to me than just a collection of very old childhood mystery stories.

After releasing my mother to the universe, the need to hoard all these books did not seem so important.

I started with other books and donated box after box to the Friends of the Library sales. It took me many more months to let go of the Nancy Drew books.

Then one morning, I just woke up and knew that this would be the day to take those books somewhere for other children to enjoy.

I ended up taking them to a charity bookstore that benefits Hospice. Hospice was involved in my mother’s end of life, so it seemed fitting.

Coaching with you helped me deal with my mom’s diaries. Now, I’m finally able to feel a freedom from all my possessions.

I still have things that I value and don’t want to get rid of, but my life does not revolve around my possessions anymore. They are things that I used to be in a relationship with, but now, they are things that I own and enjoy.

Now, my relationships are with the people I care about—my husband, my daughters, my friends—and of course, with my little Zuri [her kitty].

I’m able to share better than I could before. I also know that when I don’t want to share something that it is okay—and it is my right to not share unless I choose to.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Thank you for asking for my story. It made me dig deeper under the surface to find my feelings.

I'm glad I did. I find this made me feel very close to my mother, more in control of my own life, etc. Also, it is nice to share these feelings with others.

Thanks again for making me look inside of myself.

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

And thank you, reader, for reading — I hope Sharon’s journey helps you look at your own possessions from a new perspective.

* * *

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