How to stop giving in to urges
photo by Charles Deluvio
Have you ever caught yourself checking your email 5 minutes... 3 minutes... even 1 minute after you checked the last time?
Umm…
Yes!
Have you ever asked yourself WHY you think it’s important to check your email every 5 minutes?
Or, if this is you… please keep reading to let me help you… why it’s important to you to have the notifications set to “bing” every time a new email comes in?
Get curious with yourself.
What EXACTLY are you hoping you’ll see when you…?
check email
check your stocks
check Yahoo news
check your Facebook notifications
scroll Instagram
check your email again
[repeat]
Is it a task to do, a job that might come in, another ❤️ or 👍 below your latest IG or Facebook posts? Do you think your stock tracker app will show you’ve become a kajillionaire in the last 10 minutes?
Find the answer for yourself.
.
.
Then, ask yourself —
Why is it so important to see that… task, job, ❤️ or 👍, stock price, or news item… right now?
If you truly ask yourself — and wait for the answer to come — what EXACTLY it is you are hoping to find by checking your phone or your computer…
The answer you find will open you up to change.
.
The social dilemma
There have been numerous studies about how technology is addictive. Now, it must be true (ha!), because there’s a new Netflix documentary out about it:
The Social Dilemma, about how social media is designed to use your psychology against you—to get you addicted to their technology, which leaves people more anxious, lonely, and depressed.
So, yes. This is real.
But no, you are not powerless to the urge or addiction
Your technology “addiction” doesn’t have to control you.
You can take back control.
You don’t have to be “addicted” to your phone, computer, or social media accounts.
People conquer addictions all the time:
shopping addictions
sugar addictions
porn addictions
drug & alcohol addictions
So why are you feeling so powerless to your technology addiction?
Understanding over-desire is the key to coping with your urges for technology.
“Urge” is a buzz word often used in the weight loss industry, but it applies to all addictions.
That’s all addictions are… urges that you act on.
Addictions are an urge to do something (that you consider “bad”). You know it’s “bad” but you think you can’t control yourself so you do that “bad” thing anyway, because you are “powerless.”
But guess what?
You are NOT powerless.
Tough love time…
Stop telling yourself you are powerless.
There are really only 3 things you can do when you don’t want to give in to an urge:
Resist it (Nope, doesn’t work.)
Avoid it (Nope, also doesn’t work in the long run.)
Allow & process it (Yes!)
“Allowing” an urge doesn’t mean do it.
The goal of “allowing” or working through any urge, which is just an emotion, is to learn how to allow and process your feelings (in this case, an urge).
We have this misconception that feelings should be good and comfortable most of the time. This idea is, ironically, what perpetuates our misery (anxiety, loneliness, depression).
When we learn how to confidently process our emotions, we stop needing to “escape” our emotions with technology.
We become less afraid of our feelings.
When we aren’t afraid to feel, everything we do is done with courage.
Being able to stay present with our emotions and urges takes practice.
It is one of the practices that we can use to overcome urges.
All urges are caused by thoughts, but initially, those thoughts are part of an unconscious loop.
Once we get clear on our thoughts, we can begin to let go of our urges (for anything… food, shopping, technology, etc).
Our thoughts
The most important tool you have when it comes to changing behavior is your thinking.
Your thoughts create your feelings—even those feelings you’re trying to avoid.
Your habitual thoughts create your urges and your
over-desire for food, shopping, technology, etc.
Your feelings and urges cause you to check your email, your stock tracker, your IG and FB pages, and your news feed.
If you want to permanently change your urge to check your phone, you have to become aware of what you’re currently thinking and then change your thinking to thoughts that reduce desire and urges.
For example, if you think that you need to check your email or social media accounts to feel connected to people, this will give you the desire to check them all the time in order to feel connection.
You might not even realize you have this thought as part of a larger mindset.
When you recognize that this thought is creating your
desire (your urge), you can decide if you want to change it.
You might change the thought to something like, “Most people think it’s normal to be online all the time, but most people aren’t very happy. I want to be happy, so I’m going to believe that I can check email (or social media) only 2-3 times per day, and I will get everything I need.”
Step 1
Notice when you feel an urge to check your accounts.
Step 2
Pause.
Step 3
Ask yourself, “What am I thinking right now that is creating this desire to check my accounts?”
Then, put a pause on your urge.
Just because you have an urge to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it.
You can have an urge and not act on it.
If that thought is too revolutionary for you right now, I can help.
* * *
Want help managing your time or overcoming your technology urges?
Life coaching might be right for you. Find out!
Click here to book a free, no obligation 40-minute call with me.
This is your chance to ask me anything and find out how I can help you get organized, master your time, and design a life & business you love.