I have another topic for you today to prep you for all that family time you’re about to have over the holidays.

First of all, I’d like to remind you that I live and work from my tiny apartment in Brooklyn.

I walk almost everywhere.

I live 3 blocks from the Brooklyn Bridge, I can see the city from my window, but... I only take the subway into the city maybe once a month.

And today was one of those days.

I had my annual eye appointment near Rockefeller Center.

Holy crap!

People! So many people. So many people behaving badly.

In my world, people should:

• wait for you to step OFF the subway before they try to step ON the subway

• stand to the right on escalators so others can walk up (or down) on the left

• not stop suddenly and turn around when they’re walking on a busy sidewalk
  

These are just a few examples of how people could behave in order to make me happy. :]

If ONLY they would just walk properly — faster than my grandmother (who’s been dead for 20 years) and straight — they should walk straight, so at least I can get around their slow asses. And they should not smoke in front of me either.…

THEN I could be happy.

See where I’m going here?

I’m taking all my power away by allowing my happiness to depend on others behaving a certain way.

It’s my manual

I have what we like to call a “Manual” for all these strangers in New York City.

And this is exactly the kind of thing we all do with our families every year:

• “My sister should help us in the kitchen with the dishes.”

• “My mom should notice and give me lots of compliments on my new haircut.”

• “My brother-in-law should be a better host and greet people at the door when they arrive.”

• “My daughter should ask me if I want to babysit the grand-kids more often.”

• “My husband shouldn’t watch so much football during family gatherings.”

Most of us do this in our heads all the time.

When you notice yourself using the word “should,” chances are you have a manual for how someone “should” act.

And if only they would do that thing, Then you could be happy, right?

Most of us have these “operating manuals” for the people in our lives.

It’s an unwritten rule book that we keep in our heads — it has all the ways the people in our lives should behave.

We think that if they just follow our rules and do these certain things, that we will be happy.

Whenever we think someone else doing or not doing something creates our emotions, we have set ourselves up to be completely powerless and unhappy. Because then, the only way we can feel better is if the other person changes.

Guess what?

People, adults... they get to be and act however they want. Just as you get to be and act however you want.

Remember that.

The first step is to have a look at the people in your life that you have manuals for.

What is it you want them to do differently than what they're doing? And why do you want them to behave that way?

Remember that it is not another person’s job to make you happy.

That’s all on you.

It’s great if your mom notices and compliments you on your new haircut or your sister helps with the dishes, but we can’t let our happiness depend on those things happening.

Just love people for who they are.

And let them be who they are.

And notice when you’re wanting them to change so YOU can feel better.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself —

Why is it so important to you that they do [that thing you want them to do]?

* * *

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