The holidays are upon us.

Family time!!!

And with that, comes “challenging” family relationships and a need to set strict boundaries with others.

We want our families, our moms, our adult siblings, their partners and spouses, and kids, oh the kids... we want them all to act a certain way.

More specifically, we want them all to NOT act a certain way.

And we think this thing called “boundaries” can help us control their behavior so we can feel better.

Oh, alas — that’s not how boundaries work.

Most people try to use boundaries as a way to control people.

Controlling people never works, does it?

Boundaries:

What they are, what they aren't, how to set them, and how to follow through

Watch the video above, then ask yourself:

1. What is a boundary violation I’m dealing with?

2. What boundary do I want to set?

3. What will my request be? — “If you...”

4. What will my consequence be? — “Then I will...”

5. What are my fears around setting this boundary?

* * *

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And if you weren’t a 14-year old girl in 2008 when the first Twilight movie came out (like my niece who got me into the Twilight Saga movies), here’s that scene I’m referring to. The perfect example of a boundary: “If you fight us, we’ll rip your head off.”